I am trying to accumulate the paperwork necessary to remain in Thailand for awhile longer. It is difficult. There are many requirements and no one person really knows what the rules are, especially the Thais. In this pursuit I had to have a Certification of Income from the US Embassy in Bangkok (BKK). This seems simple enough but I have to go to BKK to get it. The cost adds up fast when you consider transportation and then the government that takes some $10,000 from me each year in taxes but charges me $30 to stamp the paper.
I planned it out quite well. Even still there was plenty of adventure in the day and I could write a book about the taxi ride back to the airport alone.
First I booked a morning flight to BKK and a return flight to Udon in the afternoon. That way there is no stay in BKK and I avoid that hotel expense. We ride a motobike to the Udon airport very early in the morning, I fly on AirAsia. I fly into the International airport in BKK. The round trip plane fare is about $59. After arriving at the BKK airport I go to the curb in front of the terminal and get assigned to a taxi. There is a line and people to manage it. Nice guy, older, speaks very good English. I have to pay the tolls into town 75b ($2.50 ish). He drops me off in front of the US Embassy office. His fare 340 baht (about $11). It is on a beautiful tree lined street in the midst of beautiful office tower buildings with retail shopping plazas, reflecting pools and about 200 security guards milling around. I see Tops grocery, Office Depot, Burger King, Sizzler. I feel like I am home. I got a Burger King burger. I won't get a chance to do that again for awhile.
The US Embassy is like a jail. Massive doors on the driveways and lots of walls and wire. I have to go through a security check but it is not so bad. They take my cell phone and camera and check it for me for later pickup. I go through a maze of fences to arrive at the American Citizen Services area. There I take a number like at the butcher shop. I am second in line and have my business done in about 30-40 minutes. I go right back out to the street and stick my hand out for the first taxi. And...
The guy stops the cab and I get in. He does not speak one word of English. Crap! I say the name of the Airport. It is really spelled Suvarnabumi . Thais say it and I think it sounds like Su-are-na-pomb. So that's what I said. He acted like I was from the moon. I said AirAsia. That's the airline. Finally he says "sa-naam bin?" That is the Thai word for airport. I say "Yes. Good." but there is danger in that because there are 2 airports. I repeat the name and he does not respond but takes off like the ass of the car is on fire. Now when I came to the Embassy there were toll roads and I was expected to pay the tolls. So I try to give him money for the tolls but that was a non starter. He had no clue what I was talking about and he definitely was not going the same way I came to the Embassy. So I wait. Always, when going to the airport, along the way there are signs with an airplane on them. And I wait. He is driving like he is not going to get there before either me or the car explodes. He dodges back and forth across lanes, cutting people off and generally acting like an expectant father on the way to the hospital. I have NEVER in all my years seen such driving skill. Scary skill. I'm going to die soon skill. He passes and intersection and decides he has missed his turn. He wheels around a u-turn cutting off trucks, buses and motorbikes. He comes back to make a turn across traffic to get back on track but discovers a no right turn sign (like a no left in USA). He makes some sounds like he is disgusted with himself and turns anyways cutting off a huge truck and somehow squeezing onto the street to find it is under construction, one lane and by the way not the street he wanted, We do another U-turn where none is allowed across traffic again. Finally he gets out onto the main street and somehow gets to the left and goes under an underpass. He makes a u-turn and figures out he has again gone the wrong way and finally by some miracle gets turned around. This time we go over the underpass (now it is an overpass) as we come to the bottom of the passover there is an airport sign on the left. He looks back at me his eyes aglow. Oh, did I mention he was wearing a mask for not transmitting germs. He coughs. Shit! He is sick, he smells bad and by the way the cab is so dirty I stick to the seats. Anyways he has discovered a back way to the airport. We rock and roll along, abruptly accelerating and stopping, We continue to dodge right, left or wherever he thinks he can gain an inch. Suddenly he points at a propane station and abruptly launches out across traffic again making several cars break hard to keep from hitting us. Wow. I get a breather while he puts some propane in the tank. He gets out and I hear a clunk, hiss. The fill nozzle has come out of the fill valve. There is propane everywhere and it is getting smelly and close in that cab. I don't dare to get out. I feel like I might make a spark and blow up. Within a minute he is back in the cab and across traffic we go again. Luckily the closer we get to the airport the thinner traffic is becoming. We are leaving Bangkok. I look ahead and see an airplane landing somewhere up ahead. Yay! But we miss the turn for the airport and again execute an amazing, illegal u-turn. He is headed for airport cargo now, not the terminal. I know this because near the airport the signs are in Thai and English. I know we are going the wrong way but I figure I AM GETTING CLOSER TO THE AIRPORT. Finally I say something to him. He gets excited. He trys to stop another cab to ask directions, no dice. I have probably picked the ONLY cab driver in all Bangkok that does not know how to get to the airport passenger terminal or the airport and by the way he can not read Thai either because we are about to go past a turn to the terminal. I shout "Leal Sai!" That's "left turn" in Thai. He turns to me and say "Khun Poot" (you speak Thai). I say no. He is going along and wants to turn up a one way ramp. I say "Mai Dai! Thrum pbye Looi" (No don't. Go straight). Eventually I see the departures sign and I say "Leal Qua". (go right) and we are there. His fare 230Baht about $7. I gave him $9. See! If you break the sound barrier and ignore all signs on the way to the airport you save $2 and I never did see a toll booth or the highway.
I got to the the gate and waited for my flight back. When I got back to Udon a friend picked me up with a motobike. He dropped me off in a spot where I could get the bus/truck back to my home outside of the city. I pay about 45 cents for the last, 15 kilometer, leg of my journey.
Today I travelled by motobike, taxi, bus/truck, airplane and a regular bus. But I did get that stinkin piece of paper.
I planned it out quite well. Even still there was plenty of adventure in the day and I could write a book about the taxi ride back to the airport alone.
First I booked a morning flight to BKK and a return flight to Udon in the afternoon. That way there is no stay in BKK and I avoid that hotel expense. We ride a motobike to the Udon airport very early in the morning, I fly on AirAsia. I fly into the International airport in BKK. The round trip plane fare is about $59. After arriving at the BKK airport I go to the curb in front of the terminal and get assigned to a taxi. There is a line and people to manage it. Nice guy, older, speaks very good English. I have to pay the tolls into town 75b ($2.50 ish). He drops me off in front of the US Embassy office. His fare 340 baht (about $11). It is on a beautiful tree lined street in the midst of beautiful office tower buildings with retail shopping plazas, reflecting pools and about 200 security guards milling around. I see Tops grocery, Office Depot, Burger King, Sizzler. I feel like I am home. I got a Burger King burger. I won't get a chance to do that again for awhile.
The US Embassy is like a jail. Massive doors on the driveways and lots of walls and wire. I have to go through a security check but it is not so bad. They take my cell phone and camera and check it for me for later pickup. I go through a maze of fences to arrive at the American Citizen Services area. There I take a number like at the butcher shop. I am second in line and have my business done in about 30-40 minutes. I go right back out to the street and stick my hand out for the first taxi. And...
The guy stops the cab and I get in. He does not speak one word of English. Crap! I say the name of the Airport. It is really spelled Suvarnabumi . Thais say it and I think it sounds like Su-are-na-pomb. So that's what I said. He acted like I was from the moon. I said AirAsia. That's the airline. Finally he says "sa-naam bin?" That is the Thai word for airport. I say "Yes. Good." but there is danger in that because there are 2 airports. I repeat the name and he does not respond but takes off like the ass of the car is on fire. Now when I came to the Embassy there were toll roads and I was expected to pay the tolls. So I try to give him money for the tolls but that was a non starter. He had no clue what I was talking about and he definitely was not going the same way I came to the Embassy. So I wait. Always, when going to the airport, along the way there are signs with an airplane on them. And I wait. He is driving like he is not going to get there before either me or the car explodes. He dodges back and forth across lanes, cutting people off and generally acting like an expectant father on the way to the hospital. I have NEVER in all my years seen such driving skill. Scary skill. I'm going to die soon skill. He passes and intersection and decides he has missed his turn. He wheels around a u-turn cutting off trucks, buses and motorbikes. He comes back to make a turn across traffic to get back on track but discovers a no right turn sign (like a no left in USA). He makes some sounds like he is disgusted with himself and turns anyways cutting off a huge truck and somehow squeezing onto the street to find it is under construction, one lane and by the way not the street he wanted, We do another U-turn where none is allowed across traffic again. Finally he gets out onto the main street and somehow gets to the left and goes under an underpass. He makes a u-turn and figures out he has again gone the wrong way and finally by some miracle gets turned around. This time we go over the underpass (now it is an overpass) as we come to the bottom of the passover there is an airport sign on the left. He looks back at me his eyes aglow. Oh, did I mention he was wearing a mask for not transmitting germs. He coughs. Shit! He is sick, he smells bad and by the way the cab is so dirty I stick to the seats. Anyways he has discovered a back way to the airport. We rock and roll along, abruptly accelerating and stopping, We continue to dodge right, left or wherever he thinks he can gain an inch. Suddenly he points at a propane station and abruptly launches out across traffic again making several cars break hard to keep from hitting us. Wow. I get a breather while he puts some propane in the tank. He gets out and I hear a clunk, hiss. The fill nozzle has come out of the fill valve. There is propane everywhere and it is getting smelly and close in that cab. I don't dare to get out. I feel like I might make a spark and blow up. Within a minute he is back in the cab and across traffic we go again. Luckily the closer we get to the airport the thinner traffic is becoming. We are leaving Bangkok. I look ahead and see an airplane landing somewhere up ahead. Yay! But we miss the turn for the airport and again execute an amazing, illegal u-turn. He is headed for airport cargo now, not the terminal. I know this because near the airport the signs are in Thai and English. I know we are going the wrong way but I figure I AM GETTING CLOSER TO THE AIRPORT. Finally I say something to him. He gets excited. He trys to stop another cab to ask directions, no dice. I have probably picked the ONLY cab driver in all Bangkok that does not know how to get to the airport passenger terminal or the airport and by the way he can not read Thai either because we are about to go past a turn to the terminal. I shout "Leal Sai!" That's "left turn" in Thai. He turns to me and say "Khun Poot" (you speak Thai). I say no. He is going along and wants to turn up a one way ramp. I say "Mai Dai! Thrum pbye Looi" (No don't. Go straight). Eventually I see the departures sign and I say "Leal Qua". (go right) and we are there. His fare 230Baht about $7. I gave him $9. See! If you break the sound barrier and ignore all signs on the way to the airport you save $2 and I never did see a toll booth or the highway.
I got to the the gate and waited for my flight back. When I got back to Udon a friend picked me up with a motobike. He dropped me off in a spot where I could get the bus/truck back to my home outside of the city. I pay about 45 cents for the last, 15 kilometer, leg of my journey.
Today I travelled by motobike, taxi, bus/truck, airplane and a regular bus. But I did get that stinkin piece of paper.
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